To Kevin Vicary

I awoke this morning with the name of an old friend upon my lips, Kevin Vicary. I grabbed my handheld pc and like I always do when I need info on something I typed his name in to the Google search bar. I was shocked and saddened to see that he was killed almost exactly one year ago 4/15/08 in a freak accident where a semi lost control, slammed through a fence and into Kevin Vicary's swimming pool. According to the news story he had taken the day off from work to spend time with his family, he was cleaning the pool when the semi came crashing into his yard, knocking him into the pool and barely missing his 2 year old child. http://elcajonfire.com/archives/2008/04/collision_force.php

I am so sorry for Izabel, the twins, their youngest, and all of Kevin's family and friends. I know there is a hole left that can never be filled.

I met Kevin in 1998, when I was 19. He was a coworker and family friend of a woman's family that I was dating. I remember looking up to him, he was smart, funny, and handsome. He had the most beautiful wife. He had opened a business in the small town of Cortez, Colorado, the business was three fold, a Furniture store, a Paint and sundry store, and down stairs was Kevin's passion a dive shop. I spent some time working at the same Casino as Kevin and his mother Karla on the Ute Indian Reservation.

Through a series of somewhat crazy (mostly the insanity of my addiction) events, I ended up working for Kevin in his store. I helped with delivery's of the furniture side of the business. I did inventory and sales for the paint business, and just tried to stay out of the way when it came to the dive shop. Kevin was always kind and honest with me. I honestly think that he saw something in me that other did not, that I did not. On one occasion I remember having to do a delivery out of state, into Arizona, it was a few hundred mile trip and I remember getting lost (which I was really good at) I had finally gotten the delivery taken care of and was on my way back when the box truck broke down. I found a payphone and called Kevin. A couple hours later he showed up and was never mean, angry, or disrespectful towards me.

I was going through such a difficult time in my life. I was in a very unhealthy and abusive relationship, I was sinking deeper into alcoholism and drug addiction. I was on a emotional roller coaster, completely unable to see anything past myself and my wants, needs, hurts, etc. I don't remember how long I worked for Kevin and Isabel, but at some point in my time with them, I had no place to live and Kevin let me stay in the basement of the furniture store. To be honest, it was cold, dark, and very lonely. I know now that he went out on a limb, and that if it wasn't for Kevin's huge heart, I'm not sure where I would have slept. Instead of showing him gratitude or respect, I abused his gift, and took advantage of his big heart. I had people in the store, that should not have been there. On one occasion I brought a group of people in the shop so we could have a place to drink. I think that was pretty much the last straw for Kevin, and he told me I could no longer stay in building. I could not blame him at all. For a short time after that I continued working (if you could call it that) for Kevin. Honestly though, I was getting so lost in my own insanity and addictions that I was pretty much useless to myself and anyone else. I was much closer to hitting my bottom than even I knew. Around this time I remember having what would be my last conversation with Kevin. Even after all I had done, he was still kind towards me. Our conversation has stayed with me and been on my heart since that day. he said "Chato, make something of your life, go back to school, get an education, I know you can do it." I think that they gave me some money that day, and I wrote them a pretty much worthless promissory note that I would send them some money the following year. I'm pretty sure Izabel was happy to do what ever she could to get me out of their lives. Again I don't blame her, I was toxic to myself and everyone I came into contact with.

A few weeks later I left Colorado, moving back to Washington State. It took about 2 more years for me to reach my bottom, to reach that jumping off place. Through a series of events I ended up in a drug and alcohol treatment program. I was 23 years old and had nothing but the clothes on my back. I couldn't keep a job, I didn't have a steady place to live. I was doing anything I could to not feel or have to deal with the reality that was my pitiful existence. Thankfully God had other plans for me. I found sobriety, I found sanity, I found an amazingly gracious and forgiving God. Through my first years of being sober I thought of Kevin Vicary often, and the words that he spoke into my life. I went to a technical school and received a certificate in business and computer administration. I then joined a local community college and began perusing a degree. At about three years sober, while on a business trip in Canada, I met a very beautiful young woman, her name Angela Bear. I knew from our very first conversation she was the kind of woman I could marry. Two years later we were married, I had a great career and was finishing my Degree in Business Management. The following summer we decided to take a road trip to visit my family in New Mexico. On our way there we stopped in the small town of Cortez, Colorado to see my uncle and grandfather. Kevin was still on my heart and I wanted to thank him and make amends to him for the way I had treated him. I walked over to the restaurant that was owned by his father Bill. The woman working told me that Bill was out of town and that Kevin and his family had moved to San Diego. I left my phone number and asked her to pass it on. I didn't expect to hear from him, why would he call me after the way I treated them.

School, marriage, career, life, sobriety, and time passed as it always does. In February of 2008 we found out we were pregnant with our first, a son. He arrived in October, a handsome little man. Time passed, I have been clean and sober almost 8 years, I have a college degree, a home, and a wonderful family. I awoke this morning with Kevin Vicary's name on my lips.

Thank you so much Kevin, thank you for believing in me, thank you for looking after me, thank you for your kind heart, thank you for being you. Heaven is a better place for having you. My prayers, thoughts, tears, and hope go out to your family and loved ones. May God show you the same grace, mercy, and hope that Kevin showed me.

Anyone who would like to donate to the Kevin Vicary family memorial fund can do so at any First Pacific Bank of California:

*Please send checks made out to:
"Kevin Vicary Family Memorial Fund"
First Pacific Bank of California
343 East Main Street
El Cajon, 92020